Standing close to the ledge, I stare out below to the almost silent street. Most of the stores have closed for the night; every few minutes or so a motorcycle passes by.
I continue to watch in silence, not really knowing what to think. My thoughts are a jumbled mess, which is probably why I’m standing here outside, where everything looks peacefully silent.
As I look down, a thought suddenly enters my mind. Immediately, I banish the thought, for it isn’t something most people would be comfortable to discuss. And yet, the idea lingers, as if wanting to offer a quick solution, to all of life’s sorrows.
Seconds pass, though it feels like a hundred lifetimes have flashed by. Still, I remain here, standing, watching, waiting. I can’t seem to do it. The thought continues to call on to me, as I stare blankly at the concrete pavement. It would be so easy, so.. swift. One minute you’re carrying this huge burden, the next minute it’s gone, along with everything you call your own. And yet here I stand, unable to make that transition. Maybe because I’m too scared to go through with it, or maybe because deep down inside, I don’t want to.
Imagine someone encouraging you to pursue the wrong path, to do something you find terrible, pushing every button to get you riled up, until eventually you find yourself contemplating your very existence. These and a couple more thoughts bounce back and forth. Funny, but that dark thought that previously crossed my mind? There’s no bouncing back from that one.
Nothing else happens for the next couple of minutes, and it’s not like I came out here trying to find a resolution to all of my woes. To be honest, I wasn’t thinking too much of any one thing. It’s more like I stepped out here in the cold, quiet night, to untangle my thoughts, to calm down my restless soul.
I make my way back inside, because let’s face it, life doesn’t pause. I may not always like the situation that I’m in, but even in the darkest corners of my life, a speck of hope will always remain, trying its hardest to call out to me, waiting for me to hold her tight, never letting go.
Everyone’s got to face down the demons
Maybe today
We can put the past away
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
-Third Eye Blind, “Jumper”
-The Wasted Wanderer
The Wasted Wanderer 